This week I am helping my 44-year-old patient go through the process of trying to have a second child.
For the past two years, she and her husband have tried to conceive naturally, received acupuncture and herbs, used Clomid, and then graduated to IUI with ovarian stimulation. Last month was their first IVF; despite transferring two gorgeous embryos, her blood test was negative.
“I’m trying to stay focused on joy,” she said to me today.
Normally, I would think that is a fine idea. But as I considered the spectrum of thoughts and feelings known to flood women when they experience joy, I realized that she might spend too much energy thinking about what isn’t there to bring in joy.
“How about thinking about peace instead?” I asked. “Can you sit in a space that feels peaceful about what you already have? A healthy 5-year-old son, a husband who is sitting in this frustrating, powerless space with you…”
She exhaled. Her face relaxed. For the moment we were both able to appreciate that when things don’t feel right or we are dismayed or disappointed with where we are, it may be best to focus on feeling peaceful with what is.